Dwindling Fortitude

As the days wear on, my body begins to tell my mind that it needs a break. I am running miles both on the road and in my mind. For several days now, I have sequestered myself in my room, to contemplate the plethora of information that lies in the books before me.

As I study the words of past authors, my mind slips into a list of things to do. I have to will myself to keep reading; keep internalizing the prose that lies before me.

Every day that passes in my darkened room seems to move with the velocity of a mule. I feel the minutes inching by, as I relearn how to factor polynomials.

I am slowly dusting off the pages of my cluttered mind; searching frantically for a few morsels of information. Years of math courses buried beneath years of confusion are locked far beyond my reach. Days pass and my head never ceases to ache and my mind hums equations at all hours of the morning.

I cannot seem to rest. My days seem wasted if they are not spent trying to improve my vocabulary or fix a common math mistake. I am seized by an unquenchable desire to internalize knowledge. I am creating a voracious and insatiable appetite for words and numbers, that is quickly becoming unsustainable.

I find myself poring over dense articles on the economy, searching for treasured words for which I do not know the meaning. I find myself creating simple math problems in my head and daring myself to solve them, while I lay my head on my pillow.

This invasion into every waking moment of my day has even begun to occupy my precious few hours of sleep. I have dreams of solving math problems; I get fanciful words stuck in my head.

All this is passing, and I cannot help but feel like there is so much more that I should be doing.

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